


In The Embers

by LostCauses (Anteros)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: And More Angst, Angst, M/M, snk 90
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-23 00:02:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9630722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anteros/pseuds/LostCauses
Summary: Levi hears their whispers, he knows what they're all saying.  That he made the wrong decision, that he was swayed by his emotions, that he chose selfishly, that he betrayed them all.  He has gone from thug to hero to pariah, and no amount of honours or laurels from the young queen will change that. Not that he cares, he would make the same decision again. Again and again and again. A hundred times over. Though sometimes, he can’t help wondering what Erwin would have made of it all.A short ficlet written in response to SnK 90.





	

Levi hears their whispers, of course he does. He’s not deaf or stupid, despite what some might think. Needless to say few have the guts to say it to his face. Few except Hanji and the kid who survived the final charge, the one who brought Erwin back. Levi has to admire his balls. But he knows what they are all saying. That he made the wrong decision, that he was swayed by his emotions, that he chose selfishly, that he betrayed them all. Sure the brats get their fair share of stick, but there’s a special opprobrium reserved for the Captain. It was Captain Levi who was entrusted with the decision and it was Captain Levi who sold them up the river, robbed them of their symbol. He has gone from thug to hero to pariah, and no amount of honours or laurels from the young queen will change that. There’s a fitting symmetry to it somehow.

Not that Levi cares what they say. He would make the same decision again. Again and again and again. A hundred times over. Though sometimes, he can’t help wondering what Erwin would have made of it all. Can’t help imagining the spark that would have lit his blue eyes as the world opened out before them.

The Titans are all gone now. It takes less than a year, after all that. It’s Levi who fells the last one. Of course it is, he’s still Humanity’s Strongest, even if they despise him. As the last Titan crashes to the ground, Levi falls to his knees. He hears the shouts and cries of victory but he feels no joy, no relief or jubilation, just a bitter taste in his mouth and something akin to anger swelling in his chest. 

The bitterness is still there, weeks afterwards, when Levi leads the expedition back to Shiganshina, to bring Erwin and the fallen home. 

Later, he stands at the foot of the funeral pyre, Hanji at the head. Seven torches flank them on either side, held aloft by the remnant of the Survey Corps. He feels nothing as they light the pyre but he stands long into the night watching the sparks soaring into the darkness until the last flame of hope is extinguished and the ashes settle into dust. Levi keeps watch until the sun rises, pocketing a handful of the ashes before returning to his quarters. They’re still warm.

It’s a new world now but it’s not Levi’s world. There is no place for him in a world without Erwin in it. They’re free now, free to explore the world outside the walls, free to reach the ocean. But this is not Levi’s freedom and the ocean was never his dream.

Levi never allowed himself to dream, because he knew what dreams could do to a man. But sometimes, when he lay in the dark, with Erwin’s strong arms around him, his breath warm and steady in his hair, sometimes Levi allowed the smallest ember of hope to kindle. 

That ember died in Shiganshina. 

This shit show isn’t over yet though. It’s just that Levi doesn’t know if he has the strength for the final act. Levi has never been one to turn his back on a fight and he sure as hell isn’t going to start now. It’s just that he’s so tired. There is a weariness that reaches deep down into his soul, a fatigue that has settled in his bones that no amount of freedom will lift. But he can’t rest yet because the Beast Titan is still out there somewhere and one day, Levi will find him. One day he will fulfill his vow and then, then he will rest. Until that day, Levi retreats into the shadows and he waits.


End file.
